I’m trying to keep track of Door-to-Door salespeople who have come to the door recently, in no particular order, some occurring the same day:

ALARM SALESPERSON: “Hi, I’d like to know if you would consider being paid for having an alarm company yard sign in your yard. Your house is well kept and we at the company think your yard would be an excellent way to advertise the alarm service.”
ME: “So you’re willing to pay me to have a home alarm company yard sign in my yard without having a home alarm? How much are we talking about?”
AS: “No, you’d still have to pay for the monthly service, the money we’re paying you is money off the regular monthly service”
ME: “ZZZZzzzZZZZz..”

PIZZA SALESPERSON: “Hi, I work for a Pizza Shop and the manager has recruited me to sell more pizza (the guy is in a dress shirt and khakis). All I need to know from you is would you eat three pizzas in one year?
ME: “No.”
(My response was so naturally conditioned that it hadn’t even occurred to me that we may have had a pizza box visible from the doorway. It was mentioned later he might have better luck with a polo shirt and flour dumped on him)

CLEANING PRODUCT WOMAN: (Walks down the sidewalk while I’m washing a car or doing something in the driveway and I say Hi, nice day). “Yeah.. Oh, can I show you this product that has many different uses?” (By this time I realize she has a backpack while holding a squirt bottle”
ME: “I don’t want to buy any cleaning products”
CPW: “It does more than clean”
(Nice SUV with windows rolled down, blaring rap music drives right past the house, makes a turn down the next road)
CPW: “SUSAN!”
ME: “I don’t think she heard you.”
CPW: “Nah.” (Keeps walking)

NON-PROFIT WOMAN: “Hi, I’m a volunteer for a non-profit which you’ve never heard of that helps do good things for vague
underprivileged people that may not exist.” (She holds a basket containing teddy bear stationary and probably something with kittens on it between us.)
ME: “I don’t want to buy anything”
(I later see her catch a bus with her basket mostly full and thought: If she really wanted to earn money for her charity, she should have been selling switch-blade combs, fireworks, and slingshots. At least I would have browsed the basket selection- stationary with teddy bears on it for a charity donation is against my constitution.)

LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL ATHELETES: “Do you want to buy this card that gives you discounts, we using the money for sports equipment”
ME: *Sigh* “Let me get my wallet”

Footnote: The cleaning product woman reminds me of the time my mom bought a bottle probably 15 years ago… The basic premise is the saleswoman will ask if there is something dirty in the house, people say no (because they don’t want the salesperson in the house!) and then they clean like your storm door window while you are trying to close the main door on them while shaking your head and miming empty pockets. Well it just so happened when the woman asked, my mom said yes, and got a T-shirt my brother got pink bubblegum on, that she had in the freezer. Stunned, the woman started on the shirt, scrubbing, trying different amounts of the snake oil on the T-shirt. I don’t know if the woman really believed in the product, or was living hand to mouth and needed a sale. But basically the T-shirt either ended up threadbare, or the gum fell off from the effort- so Mom bought the product because she felt sorry for the woman spending so much time on the shirt. Funny- either way you look at it.